Bad feeling...

What to do when it feels
What to do when it does not heals
Every sweet moment of life it steals
But heart has only love where it deals.

Words & hearts should be handled with care...
4 words when spoken & hearts when broken
are the hardest things 2 repair.

no effort to heal,
just the same thing
and even worst than before..
what is that mean?

do i make a wrong decision again..
that's why i hate making decision..
it always not be like it suppose to be
no change, there's pain
its not turn the way i imagine
chances wasted all over again...
i think i should stop giving chance
to whom not appreciate it...
to whom just ignore it...
to whom that dont even care about it...

in consideration...

Typing test...

hehehe....lawan jgn tak lawan...ade berani?...

109 perkataan

Speed test

ni baru siket ni...blom betul2 lagi...hahaha...riak lak..

What's wrong??

haihh...mostly post aku suma post depress, tension, emo etc....if im not mistaken since august i think...maybe cz that problem la...made my happiness fade away....huhuhu...this is all my fault and it comes from me...i made this trouble, no one else to be blame...i myself made my life so0o0oo chaos and lonely...org tua2 ckp, penyesalan tiada gunanya...benda dah jadi, nk buat camana lagi...klu la boleh ulang semula masa...huhu...n kalau la malang itu berbau....

kdg2 aku tido, dan berharap agar bila aku bangon semula, semua ini hanya mimpi buruk semata...tapi tidakk...semuanya berlaku, for reall!!!...huhu...ntah la..skrg aku mcm dah tak kesah most part in my life...im lost....exam is around da corner...i dont even care!!..i do care alot but there some other things i have to think about...that trouble that distract my mind...things that not settle yet till now...huhuhu...aku dah tak kesah dah pasal studies aku ni, camana mo buat??!!..huhu...maybe cz i mess up from the beginning....and i dont know where to start back...??

time2 mcm ni la, aku perlukan kekuatan, semgt, teman, pendapat dsbnya....tapi aku tak jumpa smua tu...hidup kat sini, mcm yg aku citer dulu..."kau2 aku2"...ada jg la aku kongsi2 with certain2 people ttg mslh aku ni...kurang sket la...tp ntah la...aku habis fkrn uda, apa mo buat...sometimes im crying, no one know..."nobody care if ur life is miserable, so u must as well be happy"...but i just cant pretend im happy....:::( ...benda paling susah dilakukan di dunia ini bg aku adalah "pretending"...pretending that u ok, ur fine which actually ur not,pretending ur not in trouble, no problems which u have tonnes of probs...but i have to do so...i dont have any choices....

seriously, takda semgt nk study dah...hilang nta kemana....i just want to have fun!!!...forget all my troubles...huhu...tak tau la pointer for this sem apa nk jadi...aku try apa yg termampu dgn keadaan aku mcm ni...

Doakan la kejayaan aku k..... :)

Lumrah hidopp...

hurmmm...lumrah hidup student U....tgk org kapel, dia pun sebok2 la mo cari kapel....especially lelaki la...bukan nk mengata, tapi siyesly berlaku...mcm time foundation dulu, ramai siott lelaki desprate nk kapel2....lepas tackle2 awek ni, tak dpt boleh pula tackle2 awek len...yg tak bole blah tu, that girls rumate plak tu...hahaha...kantoi desprate la tu....then, mcm teda istilah berkawan antara lelaki ngan pompuan kat sini...care sket,uda anggap lain....ngadu2 sket dah rasa special...dah rasa jatuh cinta...pastu bila ckp2 ngan lelaki len, jeless,mrh pastu menjauhkan diri secara tiba2...bila tny napa, senyap...pelik gue...ni pehal plak ni...hoho...ada satu kes, lelaki dah ada awek, rapat2 ngan pompuan len saja nk test, nk cari kot2 ada yg better than his current awek....klu dah dpt, kapel...samada menduakan atau clash ngan yg satu...haiyaaa...ni lagi teruk la...tak paham aku...

tu kes lelaki la...tak dinafikan, tak suma lelaki mcm tu...tp yg aku knl, suma mcm tu...hahahaha....aku ni pula jenis open, layan ja suma lelaki...tak tau pula perangai dorg cam tu.....hihi...lantak la...

hurmm...talking about frens...aku ni suka berkorban tuk org...bukan mo minta dibalas la,tapi at least hargai my pengorbanan...kdg2 org tu minta tlg, aku bz ni...bnyk keja aku mo buat...tapi takpa, cian dia dlm susah...minta tlg....aku pun tlg la....tapi some other day, dia buat aku rasa sgt nyesal tlg dia....bukan apa la, bila time aku minta tlg balik, dia refuse to help, ckp ada keja la, bz n watsoeva...i feel like SH*T!!!!...tak mengenang jasa tol laaa...wat penat aku ja tlg ko dulu...

lagi satu, aku tak suka tgk org sedih2 o boring n rasa tak hepi...aku try la cheer them up....wat lawak bodo ka, ajak kluar jln la...ni pun berkorban ni, pi menjatuhkan pride meminjam kreta org len semata2 mo bawa dorg jln supaya feel better n rasa hepi sket....its ok la, biarla aku tak dpt papa yg penting tgk dorg happy is more than enuf...but when it comes to my turn, bila aku sedih, ada mslh, tak hepi all those thing, where r they???!!!...Fucking asshole, they bloody shit...teda sorg pun membantu, help me to cheer up, klu tak dpt bw kluar at least make me feel better...talk to me...ni tak, masing2 wat hal masing2....menyesall gila aku...huhu

talking about helping in studies...slalu aku tlg, bg tiru assgnmt (yg actually aku pun tiru org len...hehehe) supaya dorg takyah susah2...tp bila satu hari aku pun tak siap asgnmt, dorg cari source tmpat lain...yg sakit hati bila dorg tak share pown...dpt jwpn sendiri2...bila aku tnya "napa tak gtaw?" dorg simply ckp "laaa,tak dtg bilik"...amb0o0o0o0o0iiiii, selama ni aku bg tgk asgmnt, aku yg p kat dorg mengoffer....bila tak bg, ckp aku penting diri...yg dorg tu???shit!!...once again, menyesalll...

banyak benda lagii sebnrnya, klu mo crita suma, susah la...huhu...yg penting suma wat aku rasa menyesallllll sggtt2...kadang2 rasa, "napa la aku bodoh sgt mo pi tlg org mcm tu"...tp tu la, bila aku tak tlg org ckp aku jt, sombong,etc...haihh...then i conclude la, org2 sini ni hidup "kau2 aku2"...senang sama2, susah lain2 la....so, better aku wat senang n susah sendiri2 la...walaupun agak susah aku supaya tak tlg org, tp aku cubaa...untuk berkata "tidak"...lantak dorg la nk ckp aku sombong ke, jahat ke, penting diri o watsoeva...itu penilaian dorg...mcm la dorg tu baguss sgtt!!..time2 nk minta tlg, sibuk2 ngaku2 kawan...buduss...

once again, not everybody like that la...tapi, almost all yg aku kenal, mcm tu....hohoho....nak wat camanee....i just dont belong here...none of them yg sekepala ngan aku....suma like hell!!!...whatever la, yg penting i live my life happily now....without thinking about others tooooo muchh...

Aishhh....bengang2!!!

adoyaiiiiiiiiiii.....%*^*@^*^$()^()^(#^%!(!@^!&!^%#(&%!!!

agak2 la mo cancel meeting last minute...dah la bgtaw ada meeting pown last minute!!!ceshhh....bengang aku pagi2 ni.....klu la aku tau takder, tak jadi, cancel o whatsoeverr, aku dah gerak g kl kot semlm....S**T tol rr!!!....buat rosak plan jerkk....ishhhhhhhhhh....siyes bengang!!...

semlm dah la aku tido kol 4am...tiba2 dpt msg meeting esk jadi, suh dtg kol 10am...10am???wtf...aku pun struggle la tido, takot2 tak leh bgon sok....klu dibgtaw awal2 maybe at least ble budget masa tido kan....ok2,tak pa la...then td aku bgon 10min lg kol 10am...dah takut da lmbt...struggle la bgon walau mata stil ngantukk...mandi2 besiap2 dgn agak pantasnya...tiba2, msg dtg dgn selambanya gtaw CANCEL!!!!OMG!!!!!!....actually cancel tu ok la,at least teda keja...tp cuba la gtw dlm kul 8 o 9 ka...tak pyh aku struggle2 kn diri untuk bgon, bersiap2....tu sib bek aku terlewat bgon...klu aku punctual tadi...b4 10am aku dah ade kat situ....aa brg....wat penatsss jak....

adoy2!!!...time management mana beb???ko agak2 la, consider org len punya masa jugakk....hurm2...sabar jer laaa....

More than words...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Why now???

"masing2 ada masalah sendiri, masalah dunia, masalah peribadi...luahkn jgn simpan dlm hati mari cerita di kedai kopi"...

why now??...di saat aku keseorgan....di saat aku berada dlm kesusahan....di saat aku berada dlm kerisauan....di saat aku memerlukan kekuatan.....di saat aku perlukan teman...sem ni sgt teruk bg aku....mcm2 menimmpa diri, cuba menguji kekuatan diri....kdg terasaa give up...pernah terfkr nk withdraw sem....but life must moving on....walau bnyk mslh menimpa diri, aku cuba kuat untuk menghadapi....


I'm heading nowhere fast. I need your hands.
Which breath will be my last? It's gone, my past.
Love with a broken heart. I'm here alone.
I'm getting taken away.

In my opinion,one of the worst feelings
in the world is wondering
how things could have - would have - should have been.

Nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you.

I sit alone just to see
who comes to sit with me
I frown just to see
who will turn it upside down
and I cry just to see
who will wipe away the tears

Im not the kind of girl who isnt afraid to tell you how she feels.
Im not the kind of girl who runs up to you and hugs you
I am the kind of girl who keeps all of her emotions inside

sometimes its easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings.
sometimes its easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again.
sometimes its easier to be numb towards certain people so i dont let them get too close.
sometimes im scared.
but when i act numb towards you,
it doesnt mean i dont care.
it means i care too much

i wish i was as invisible as you make me feel
& she just wants you to know
she loves the way you laugh
& your stupid dumb smile
that has her fallin' head over heels
want you so bad
but i cant have you
im the kid in the shadows
the girl you'll never knew
her feelings for you always show
but your too blind to see that her
feelings are pouring out as we speak

Do you know what it's like to be me?
Go through sumthing not everyone can see?
Do you know what its like to walk in my shoes?
Please stop judging me simply cuz I'm not you..
all scars shows, all wounded heal,
sometimes u cant always see the pain someone feels...


I keep tellin myself it isn't the right thing to do
spending time on dreams that aren't coming true
but i'm the kind of girl that keeps myself in line
so even with a tear in my eye, i manage to say
"im fine"....

thank you for all ur time,
sorry for all things ive done wrong,
u r too good to me, u deserve sumthin better,
thank you for making my life extremely chaos right now,
but that isnt ur fault...
i just wonder why now???...
but its ok, u dont have to answer it...
i do hurt, but i think tomorrow will heal it...

i wonder what awaits me tomorrow........

Everything goes wrong...

haiyaaa....for God sake, apa aku mo buat nih??!!...actually mo belajar....tapi nda taw subjek apa...so duduk ngadap komputer...buat lab ITPG...pasal peta2 tu, lukis2 contour...tgh smgt plot titik2, then sambung titik2 tu jadi bentuk yg pelik2...arghhh, somethings wrong sumwhere...mls aku, kin juling mata jak...aku letak tepi then buka lecture note thermo...aku mo try buat soalan, skema jwpn teda...try wat past test paper, properties table takda...mau print properties table, baru print 2 page, printer wat hal...what the f**k!!!!!!!!!!...ok2, rileks...maybe dia tak mau kasi aku study thermo mlm ni...fine..aku buka lecture note vector...try la kunun wat satu soalan ni...then part integrate ter"stuck"...nda tau ni camana buat, jammed otak...dekat 40min jg la bodo2 camtu, last2 surrender...damn!!!...again, bukan jodoh aku study vector...aku buka lagi lecture note reservoir...graph lagi...adoyaii, bingung aku...mlslaa...buka lecture note programming...ni lagi la...mcm ******.....nda pham!!...

suma lecture note uda aku buka...since kul 8pm tadi lagi ni struggle mo study...till now, teda hasill....terasa telah membuang masa, tapi mo wat camana...semua serba nda kena...everything goes wrong...otak aku tak mau study kali mlm ni kan...maybe la....adoi2, risau2....sooooo many thing to catch up,exam around da corner, but tgk la ni...bnyk lg benda mo pk, mo buat....probs situ, probs sini...adoyaiiii....i wonder what my result going to be....huhuhuuuuuu

k la, since i dont know what to do..better watch movie la...tak pun tido lg baekkkkkk...
tata...gudnytee...:(

Semalam aku bermimpi....

oryte...nk story sket pasal mimpi aku smlm..

aku bermimpi kira2 pukul 6am tadi...actually aku terbangon, pastu tido balek...situ la stat mimpi...aku mimpi TSUNAMI...melanda rumah aku...tp mcm bukan rumah aku jg...tau la mimpi ni kan, lokasiya berubah-ubah...so, lokasi aku tak ble nk specifickan tp yg penting di malaysia la...sabah maybe...rumah tmpt aku tinggal tu dekat ngan sungai...satu hari tu, hujan+angin sgt kuat...kami pun stay ja la dlm rumah.."kami" means family dan kwn2...tp org dlm tu aku tak ingt la...ingtkn angin besa2 ja...then aku menjenguk kat luar, tgk2 ombak otw mo melibas darat...ombak tu sgt3x besar, sgt2 tinggi dan menakutkan...dari jao lg nmpk...pastu kami suma pown apa lagi, lari...tp tak sempat lari kluar rumah la, ombak dah sampai...ombak tu pun masuk rumah tu,tp tak jg runtuh la...just mcm air masuk rumah...tak tengelam...then berhenti kejap...dtg lagi ombak, dari jao...aku pun kluar, ambik motor pastu gerak...sambil2 aku rakam guna hp...hehe, sempat lagi...tp yg peliknya, ombak tu just serang mcm ` garisan ja...kiri kanan tak dia serang...so dpt la aku rakam kan...tp mmg ngeri laaa....tinggiii gilaaa la tu ombakk...live depan aku...tp dlm mimpi la...hoho...

mimpi ni agak susah dicritakan scara proper...besa la mimpi ni pelik2 sket...takda plot crita pown...hoho...apa2 pun, agak menakutkan la td, ingtkan aku betul2 dah dlm tsunami tu cz smnenjak 2 menjak ni bnyk berita pasal gegaran la, ombak la, ribut etc....huhu...minta jao la sume ni....

tu je la.

Aku Redo....

selagi masalah ini tak settle, selagi itu aku diselubungi rasa bersalah yg teramat sgt5x1!!!...jiwa aku takkan pernah tenang dan tenteram...aku tak taw mo watpa lagi...klu boole aku tolong, i will give my full commitment to help...tapi seems like she don't want my help anymore...so, what can i do???...aku punca semua tu berlaku, jadi let me be responsible...i do responsible but u wont let me to...i dont want u think that aku lepas tangan ja...aku tak pernah wat bodo ttg perkara ni..never!!...i do care a lotssssssss......it just u dont know, and im afraid to ask and talk to u...im afraid make things even worse...oh God, help me!!!...

aku tak suka tgk ko stress2 atas sbb benda yg aku buat tu....so if u think that "SOMETHING" u want to do makes u happy, makes u relief, makes u in peace, go ahead friend...aku redo...walau aku terpaksa berhadapan dgn mcm2 kemungkinan that might let me down...its ok, as long as u are not in trouble...seeing u not in trouble makes me better...dan wat aku lega dari segala rasa bersalah...i do deserve punishments...even aku terpaksa mengecewakan family aku....takpa la...aku sedia berhadapan dgn semua tu...pandai2 la aku survive...ko jgn risau...wat la apa yg ko rasa terbaik untuk ko...

sorry all for letting u down...i dont mean it...maybe God want thing like this happen to me, i accept...aku redo...

aku redo..................................